Friday, April 16, 2010

I'm A Slut for Sports

That's guaranteed to draw search hits!

The recently-read "Soccernomics" had an interesting -- and home-hitting -- chapter on the "polygamous fan," someone who's maybe not so pure with their loyalties, someone who -- in a weak moment -- is susceptible to the leer of another team.

That's so me. Some years back, my friend Kynan -- who is an Oakland Raiders fan, but still a decent smart person -- called me after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (one of my football teams) beat the Raiders (Kynan's only team, and boy should you feel sorry for him these days) in the Super Bowl. His message, which has stuck with me, was something along the lines of: "I support this team constantly, while you throw your football affections around like a fat French hooker."

Guilty. (And "fat French hooker" is another line guaranteed to bring in site hits.) I've added or changed loyalties many times over the years, and while in my old age I've more-or-less settled down to two teams per sport (I'm like a sports Mormon), my history isn't too honorable. I'll admit that -- and I'm glad Kuper and the other fellow are giving me a little support.

Let's take a look. Football: the New York Jets were my first team; I picked up the Broncos when we moved to Colorado and the Buccaneers who knows why. I've stayed pretty standard, but sort of abandoned the post-Joe Klecko Jets. Anyone who's ever met a Jets fan will understand why. Atlanta factor: I don't really care about the Falcons.

Baseball: the Houston Astros were my first favorite team, but I sort of forgot them after they dropped the tequila sunrise jerseys. I spent most of my formative years rooting for first the Orioles and Blue Jays and then the Orioles and Cardinals. If I ever start paying attention to baseball again it'd probably be the O's and the C's, but if I move back to Colorado I could probably manage some Rockies love. Atlanta factor: I actively hate the Braves and their ridiculous tomahawk chop and Chipper Goddamn Jones, and every time I've seen them live I've rooted against them.

Hockey: First team I ever supported was the old hockey Rockies, but they left before I really knew what was going on. Grew up a Blues and Penguins (natch) fan; as soon as the Avalanche moved to Colorado, I threw the other teams over like you wouldn't believe. Don't care about the Penguins now, remain fond of the Blues in the same manner (as I once memorably and unfortunately said) as an ex-girlfriend. Have occasionally allowed the Thrashers into my heart and currently own as many Thrashers jerseys as Avalanche jerseys. Atlanta factor: the Thrashers spend the night sometimes.

Basketball: I don't give two shits about basketball -- the last team I seriously supported was the Jack Sikma-era Seattle Supersonics. I suppose I cheer for the Nuggets in the very passive "I hope they do well, but don't expect me to try" way. Atlanta factor: basketball?

Soccer: I've become a Liverpool fan, but it's still kind of a lark and I find it hard to root against any of their traditional rivals (other than Manchester United, who I root against in the same way I root against the Yankees or Dick Cheney). It's a bit weird in a case where there's not really one overwhelmingly dominant leading league; rooting for Liverpool and AC Sparta Praha and the Colorado Rapids isn't really any sort of conflict.

Golf: I hate golf so much.

This all came up recently when good ol' ICJ told me that he was giving up a longtime Flyers fandom for the Buffalo Sabres. I fully supported him. The world needs fewer Flyers fans. And now, I hope he'll be reassured to realize: it's totally normal, being a fat French hooker and all that.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did you see the latest from Philly fans? A guy VOMITS - wait... self-induces himself to vomit over an off-duty police captain and his 11-year old daughter that he brought to the game. Live the stereotype. So glad I no longer have any reason to not openly despise them individually and in concert.

Therese said...

Ha, I always knew you had a bit of Mormon in you!