Sunday, February 10, 2008

This is the Enemy

I went out drinking tonight. That may not come as a surprise to anyone, but on Saturday nights, it's been rare of late. Most of my friends work Saturdays, and I've got a girlfriend, and I don't really like most people a whole lot, so there's not much point. Best to just drink at home, cheaper and quieter.

But tonight, Fidel had the night off (first time in several years he's been off and in town on a Saturday), so drinking was a priority. We went to Atkins Park. Also not remarkable, as I go there about six times a week (as it's about 20 feet from my home).

And there I saw him: the guy with a golf tee behind his ear.

I don't think I've ever seen anything that made me hate anyone so instantaneously -- it was as if all the popped collars, ill-fitting khakis, and stupid baseball caps that I'd ever seen took form in this one guy. A Google search on golf tee behind the ear indicates that this is a common practice when you're out golfing, which I guess is acceptable. It doesn't indicate why you would do this in a bar at 10 pm. Does it show that he was playing late-night golf? Does it show that he has some ear disorder, only cured by a tee? Does it show his primacy over Atlanta's douchebags, of whom there are many?

Golf tee ear guy -- you are the enemy. You are everything that's wrong with the world. You are driving people to militant Islam or intelligent design or Red Wings fandom.

And you will be destroyed.

* * *

Also tonight: I referred to Pavement's best-known album as "Scattered, Smothered, and Covered," meaning that at age 35 my synapses can no longer distinguish between Pavement and Unsane, meaning that I should shut the fuck up about music, forever.

3 comments:

Brushback said...

Wow, there are differences between Pavement and Unsane? Please tell me more.

Hilarious post, by the way. "Primacy over Atlanta's douchebags, of whom there are many"... ha ha...

Good to hear you were out drinking.

gsdgsd13 said...

There will be an in-depth post on the differences between Pavement and Unsane, next time I drink like that.

It was a good time. It's been a while since I've awakened, looked at the blog, and said aloud "what the fuck?"

Nanuk of the North said...

I've never seen anyone with a golf tee behind the ear, but I think that on that fateful day when I spot my first one, I may lash out, beat him with my fists and be hauled off to jail.