Saturday, June 17, 2006

Klouček's Ribs!

I was going to write up something about the Czechs as a nation, but I'll save that 'til tomorrow; doing such a post after the plucky Czech underdogs were whitewashed by the Ghanaian powerhouse would look vaguely stupid, like cheering for the Whalers during the Stanley Cup.

Instead -- a recipe. I got down all cook-style the other day, and the result was pretty awesome ribs. Lacking any sort of good name for it, and unable to think of anything good and topical (do any Hurricanes or Oilers players have significant rib injuries?), I've named them after official PPA player Tomáš Klouček, the ribs being one of the few body parts he's yet to injure. I realize all of this is an unofficial endorsement, so if it cuts into his marketing possibilities vis-a-vis Nike and Gatorade, let me know, lawyers.

Anyway, here's what you need:

* rack of ribs
* healthy dose Tabil (explanation to follow)
* half an onion, chopped
* handful sliced jalapenos
* paprika
* two bottles beer (something you aren't going to drink - I used Heineken)
* oven and roasting pan if you live in the city, grill if you aren't street like me

First off, make up the Tabil. It's a Tunisian meat rub. Here's the most commonly accepted way on how to do that.

Rub the tabil vigorously into the meat. Don't skimp. Wear disposable rubber gloves, so that you aren't carrying raw-meat-germs when you go out and do whatever else you do, whether it be helping old ladies across the street or selling heroin to kids.

Actually, before that, you should have trimmed the meat. In fact, next time I cook ribs, I'd appreciate you reminding me about the trimming part, ok? Seriously, where were you?

If you live with me (and frankly, I'd appreciate a bit of help with the mortgage, if you do), preheat the oven to 350 degrees at this point. No idea what that is in metric, 1480 kilojoules or whatever, sorry Canadians. Throw the meat into a roasting pan; lovingly surround it with chopped onion, jalapeno slices, and a teaspoon paprika. Douse it with a bottle of crap beer. Cover and stick into the oven.

Spend the next 30 minutes playing Eastside Hockey Manager, instead of writing that novel, you sad piece of work.

Flip the ribs. Another 30 minutes of EHM. Why doesn't Sparta's stifling defense hold up against Slavia, dammit? Is Jaroslav Bednář seriously that good? Tomáš Klouček could tell us, but he's not actually here.

Flip the ribs again, douse with another bottle of beer. Wait 20 minutes this time, then uncover the ribs for the last 10 minutes.

Eat as is, or douse with a good spicy barbecue sauce. I use Dusty's, which isn't terribly helpful to those of you outside Atlanta, but it's less thick and doesn't adhere as much. Doesn't drown the meat.

Open good beer, drink it. Eat ribs. Enjoy! If Klouček ate these ribs, he wouldn't have languished away in Chicago this season, and the Thrashers would have won the Stanley Cup a few days ago.

7 comments:

alanah said...

Canadians might be metric, but we mix it up a lot, and use Fahrenheit temperatures for cooking - so, no problem there. (Your British readers, however, are very confused right now...)

Now, about substitutions: if I don't drink beer (terrible stuff - never touch it) what can I use as a substitute?

Brushback said...

doing such a post after the plucky Czech underdogs were whitewashed by the Ghanaian powerhouse would look vaguely stupid, like cheering for the Whalers during the Stanley Cup.

Ha ha!

I'm preparing to grill some Italian sausage and peppers right now, myself.

And, drinking some Belgian white beer (Hoegaarden) that I've never tried before, but I don't particularly like.

gsdgsd13 said...

Alanah - No idea what you'd use as a substitute. Probably a glass of water or orange juice each time I call for a beer.

Brushback - I went through a period of drinking lots of Hoegaarden a few years back (it was a difficult time etc). I remember a slice of lemon giving it a little zest. Geez, I probably shouldn't admit that ... I'll have to put on some hockey fight videos now to get back to my normal sense of "self."

Anonymous said...

Alanah, don't know if you like hard cider better than beer, but I think that would make a good substitute. And apples w/pork is a tried and true combination...

L.P.

alanah said...

Thanks, L.P. Cider is a brilliant idea. I was sort of kidding about the beer - I'm a lush (*sometimes). But apple cider sounds better anyway.

And hell, there's no way it could be worse than that "orange juice" plan... Geez. :-)

Brushback said...

I went through a period of drinking lots of Hoegaarden a few years back. I remember a slice of lemon giving it a little zest.

Corona is another beer that people are always putting limes/lemons into. I'm thinking that, if a beer needs something in it to make it taste better, it's probably not worth drinking anyway.

Which reminds me of my younger days, watching my dad and his friends shaking salt into each fresh glass of beer (something about the salt building up the head, or whatever). Another random and inexplicable tradition that seems to have passed by the wayside.

gsdgsd13 said...

I remember the salt in the beer tradition from, I believe, Donald Westlake novels. I've never given it a try.

The one thing I do like adding to a beer: pepperonicinis. They can make just about any beer better, unless it's one of those $12-a-bottle Belgian brews.